My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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