I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
