Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
