he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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