dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
