there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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