happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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