Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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