I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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