I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
