Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize