Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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