somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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