Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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