3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize