She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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