Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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