Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
