Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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