Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
