I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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