So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Randomize
