about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
