in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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