Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
3 2 1 whiskey
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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