I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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