We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
