her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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