Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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