Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
