I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
