Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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