I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
