I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
