Michael Bay diarrhea
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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