too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
