I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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