as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
