if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
