Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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