pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
