Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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