alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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