I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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