Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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