Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
