I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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