Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
