no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
