Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
