I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
