did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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