umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
