Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
