kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
