Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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