and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
