Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
