The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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