I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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