Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
So squirting runs in the family.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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