i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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