upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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