I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
