so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
