So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
