see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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