I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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