best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
