In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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