we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
