Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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