and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize