One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
