I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
