I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
