mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize