what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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