I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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