She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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