Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
