your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My friends, they love my intelligence
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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