Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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