Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize