you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
