omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
