If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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