im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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