Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
A+ Viking dick
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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