Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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