I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
